We are in the future, everything is very shiny.

A lo, none was safe ever after!

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 11:16:12 GMT

I will have gotten a camera bis this time next week. Finally an opportunity to use Future Perfect.

So seriously, I bought a camera with the hypothetical money my family will have given me for Christmas, and the money I saved up. I was originally fancying a Nikon D5000, mostly due to the fact that it has a nice cost/use ratio, and went to a small Mom&Pop Photo Store downtown, because my Dad recommended it. I trust my Dad when it comes to photo equipment, he has been taking semi-professional photos on an on/off basis for the last 35 odd years after all.

I was lucky because there wasn't anyone in the store when I got there, so the manager himself actually came over to ask me what I needed. It was great, he was such a photography nerd, you cannot imagine. He asked me what I needed the camera for, if I had my mind absolutely set on a Nikon, etc. etc. And after some discussion and demonstration (there were now 8 people in the store, but he still took his time talking with me, I was totally baffled by the amount of service) I decided on an Olympus E420, which was not only on sale, but came with 2 lenses and a whole lot of spiffy extras and doodads for 200€ less, putting me back 499€ as opposed to 679€ for the Nikon. He then took the time to explain every single piece of equipment, from the memory card to the UV-filter and offered me a tutorial for the manual modes, free of charge, once I'd felt I'd gotten the hang of autofocus mode. Add two years of non-restricted warranty and vouchers for free photo development (should I ever feel the need again) and I have to say, this was the best service I've had at a store for years.

And I got a sweet camera, so expect blurry, half-decipherable photos here soon. It may not look as futuristic as the Nikon, and it has a few features less, but as it will have to endure a little inclement weather and being jostled around in a backpack throughout its life, I think I made a better buy with the sturdier Olympus.

What friends are for, what are friends for?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:28:15 GMT

Okay, so next Monday is my birthday. No big deal, I'm only turning 25, like, quarter of a century. But CLEARLY playing Wow is more important than that. If he had had the nerve to chew me out for not coming to a raid on my own birthday, I'd have caved his skull in there and then.

What also sucks is that I planned on throwing a party at our good ole pub, but Luke (one of my best friends and the owners son) is visiting his GF in Madrid at the time, he got an earlier flight. Yeah, well, sucks, but he rarely sees her as is, shes doing her diploma there, so off with my best wishes. But since I don't want to throw a party with two guys I don't know (who rent the whole place at the same time) that location is dead and buried.

And now my university friends are wobbling as well, because of some chemistry test on the 10th. It's always a test, isn't it? I mean, obviously the anxiety must be getting to them, or they're studying 24/7.

Not really looking good so far. Leo is not amused.

Subject: Switzerland

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:48:37 GMT

So, Switzerland has cemented its reputation as an isolationist, xenophobic bowl somewhere in the Alps. So what else is new?

What I find really funny is how everybody seems to think that erecting god-towers of one or another religion is in any way relevant or the core of the whole issue. It was just the next best opportunity for nationalist elements to wave their collective dicks at everybody else.

And the predictable storm of indignation from the east is hypocrisy at best, because enough of those states have nationalist elements blocking churches for the exact same reasons.

One world, one hate.

On the subject of childbirth.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:28:50 GMT

After a little post by the esteemed miss Maryam, I remembered this little episode from one of my anthropology classes:

I don't recall exactly when it was, but I think it was last year's summer semester. We were listening to the professor talking briefly about neonatology, because we needed to keep that in mind for population models or something along those lines, anyway, while the professor was explaining how the fetus grows in the uterus, by the way, that would make a great edutainment song. The fetus grows, in the uterus, the placenta feeds the neonatus, dadade dada da daaa...aaah...ahem.
Anyway, the professor was explaining that when a girl, or more a woman, in her early 20ies, got up and challenged pregnancy working that way, specifically saying that it couldn't work that way. Silence in the auditorium. So the professor asks: "Why exactly?" And said woman, with a determined and confident look on her face replies "Well, how is the baby supposed to go to the loo in there?"
Of course, chaos ensued. It took the professor about 4 minutes to get everyone to shut up again, by which time she had left. Here's hoping it was a joke, but she looked dead serious. Even when everyone started laughing. Guess she'll be in for a surprise one day. Maybe.

Seriously? What the fuck?

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:36:23 GMT

Okay, I went and watched the trailer for 2012. Then I blinked in disbelief, and watched another trailer. Then some random footage. I was thinking "Christ, it's an Emmerich film, the plot sucks, but it can't be bad all the way through, can it?"

Ooooh, wrong you are there, little Timmy, YES IT CAN. This has to be the cheesiest disaster movie ever. I mean, my tolerance for breaking the laws of physics in movies is hard to see from the ground without some sort of visual magnification, but this movie reaches that limit and passes it with a neat "Swoosh" sound while giving the V-sign. Spending 260 million dollars on special effects and still not managing to make the whole thing look good is a feat in itself, but what's also amazing is that the plot is actually SO badly EXECUTED that it ruins the special effects while trying to support them.

But well, its not going to stop people from watching it, and it wont stop the swarming legions of morons who worry about the end of the world in 2012. Having to listen to these people makes me almost wish they were right.

The day before yesterday

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:06:19 GMT

Yes, I know I'm losing geek cred because I only got around to finishing it 2 years after it came out, but I just finished Half Life 2: Episode 2. And all I have to say is:

GOD DAMN YOU, NEWELL!!!

Seriously though, I'm glad that I didn't finish the whole thing back in late 2007, because there are rumors brewing, as thin as the coagulating skin on a cup of hot cocoa, that a release date might be announced for Episode 3 sometime in 2010. That is the only thing consoling me after the ending. I hate it when pivotal characters are killed off. Seriously. Hate hate hate. And that at the time I had finally written off FPS games for good and immersed myself wholly in the splendor that is build-up strategy games. Grr.

In any case, I really like the Half Life games ("You don't say?") since they've been with me...well, my whole adult life, basically, and a bit before that. Half Life 2 was the first game I played on the first PC I assembled myself (aged 15), and I can still remember playing through 5-minute sessions of the game in between courses of our 1998 Christmas Dinner. I remember going into debt (for about a week) so I could buy a DVD drive ahead of time when Half Life 2 came out in 2004. I remember hours upon hours upon hours wasted between those games playing Team Fortress, Firearms and Day of Defeat (And CounterStrike, before it got all camp and tarted up) and I wouldn't trade those hours in for any other game. Valve software had more hand in me squandering my time in front of the PC than any other gaming company with the exception of Blizzard Entertainment. So naturally I'm stoked to hear the end of the story. Arc.

Okay, and now for closing, my main pet peeve with EP2, the "Trump Card" storytelling technique, which kept me engaged by wondering "Oh my, I wonder what'll go wrong next." which is a bad thing in my book, even though I enjoyed the story. Contains old, stale spoilers that might still be good mixed with lots of mustard and used as bread-spread.

GORDON: We blew up the citadel!
COMBINE: TRUMP CARD! We kill your maybe-girlfriend!
GORDON: Vortigaunts save my girlfriend!
COMBINE: Oh rly?
GORDON: Ya rly, gonna go to secret base to fire ze missiles!
COMBINE: TRUMP CARD! We are in ur base, killing ur rocketmens.
GORDON: We kills off ur doodz and lock you out.
COMBINE: TRUMP CARD! Strider rush!
GORDON: HEROIC DEFENSE OF AWESOMENESS AND CAR RACE, GYAAAAH!
COMBINE: ...dude.
GORDON: We defeat the striders and fire ze missile! And Lamarr becomes the first headcrab in the space program!
COMBINE: K, u win.
GORDON: O rly? Gtg to frozen...place, save that ship.
COMBINE: TRUMP CARD! Sudden rush of brain-sucking aliens OUTTA NOWHERE! In ur base, eatn ur brainz.
GORDON: ...I call hax.

Now I need a new game to play...Modern Warfare?...yeah. Right. Might as well voluntarily give myself the clap while I'm at it...

A funny thing happened to me while I was cleaning my hardrive...

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:20:40 GMT

Well, I found a funny thing, more like. I found my old installation of Sims2 which I had obtained entirely legal through a LAN-Party mistake caused by Swamp-Gas and anyway a wizard did it.

Anyhow, I decided to launch it one last time before getting rid of it (It's been sitting unused on my HD for years) just to check what we had been doing back then. And well, apparently Dave, Sabine and me had created digital copies of ourselves from back in 2005 (I could tell because Dave's Sim still had all his hair) and populated a spacious home with ourselves. Well, apparently our digital selves lived quite the harmonious existence. Until SimDave and SimSabine hooked up and SimLeo got abducted by aliens.

After deleting them, I almost felt like a murderer. Well, they died happy, each in their own way. And, looking back on the years that have passed ever since, and how all of our lives have changed, I think the fate of my own digital self was the most plausible.

Cynicism: A way of life.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:37:52 GMT

Read in the paper today that Doctors in Britain want to ban any and all advertisement or promotion of alcohol. While that is something I generally don't have an opinion on, I wonder how many doctors life up to the high standards to which they hold their patients...

Well, there's two sides to every Schwartz...

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 12:24:40 GMT

Upside: I got a job for September, translating part of the Austrian web presence for the Barcadi company.

Downside: It's 100 cocktail recipes paired with histories and description for the cocktails which are so corny, I'm afraid I might grow maize out of my ears.

Oh well, money IS money after all...

Facecrack

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 09:39:57 GMT

Following my tradition of taking up internet trends well after they're established, I finally stopped resisting the pressure from various friends, colleagues and half my family and joined Facebook.

Search for Leopold Valenta if you wish to add a strange mid-european to your outer circle of e-friends.

The dread "summer hole".

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:33:20 GMT

Nothing is happening. Long, smoldering hot days seamlessly flow into long, sweltering hot nights, with occasional cataclysmic thunderstorms causing 22.000.000€ in damages. We party all night and sleep all day, like twisted jet-set savages on the bender that will end the universe. The last time something worth mentioning happened was about three weeks ago, and nobody is really sure what it was, or when something will happen again. My brain feels dried out, starved for action and immobilized by an excess of free time, capable of nothing but the most basic urges. And methodical binge-drinking.

Thank the stars that all of this ends tomorrow morning. At 9am tomorrow, I'll wish for the lack of anything to do like a forlorn prisoner on a distant island. But hey, somebody has to brick the new garden wall.

What is this then, a sitcom?

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:52:15 GMT

On Monday, we went eating to a Brazilian restaurant, and out afterward. It was, well, very early afterward (something like 6am) so a friend of mine crashed at our place. He left Wednesday. And came back Friday. And is still here now. And apparently hooking up with my flatmate.

Bizarre...but strangely appropriate.

Galgenfrist.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:19:26 GMT

An interesting word, that. Translated quite literally, it's "Gallows duration" but more accurately, it would be "reprieve". Which is what I got. When I went to the exam today, the student right before me rescheduled her exam for September. And when I was told I would have to get 7 out 15 points in the exam to barely pass, I wavered, and asked if I could reschedule too. But not to September, no, that's too far away, I rescheduled to July 20th. Meaning I have to cancel my holiday, but at least I get a second chance. Mind you, an oral botany exam is nothing to jest with, it has broken greater men than me. So I left the institute feeling, well, lost mostly. I kind of felt like I was running away, and I felt disappointed because now I'll have to do the exam on my own, and not with a friend of mine. Said friend texted me and told me that I would've probably made it anyway. Kismet.

So I'm mostly just writing to do something at all, because I'm more than discontent with the situation. It's a heavy, dull feeling, like waking up in a pile of dust with a hangover, but not exactly negative, just...apathetic and a bit fretful. It was the smart thing to do, because failing that exam would've meant that I wasted a whole semester of preparation, not to mention having to wait for a year to do it again, but still. I kind of feel like I fled a battle I could have won, a dishonored samurai sort of feeling, as cheesy and whiny as that may sound.

Well, now I have to face the summer with work undone. I hate it when that happens.

A calamity indeed.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:07:04 GMT

The TV broke. Not that I was using it to watch TV, I don't even have a TV-outlet in my part of the flat, but all my consoles are hooked up to it.

This is indeed bad. Not because I was playing so many console games lately, but because I have no means of replacing the thing in the next half year or so. Hm.

With gaming, it's kind of like with smoking. As long as I could theoretically do it, I don't do it much and hardly think about it. But once I cannot...

...this entry brought to you by "Fuck Botany exams, I can't bring myself to study any more, I wish it was Friday and I had that huge embarrassing piece of fail behind me."

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:48:47 GMT

Somewhere out there, there is a Norwegian woman in her late twenties who actually IS desperate enough to look for a match by sending her photo and badly written CV to random strangers, and her efforts are being torpedoed endlessly by these Spam-bots.

Let us pity her in silence.

Life in 10x2x3 meters.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:53:33 GMT

Academically, this day was a disaster. I wanted to get up at 8am, and spend my day off finishing my papers and studying for my botany test. Actually, I got up at 11am, and then decided that I didn't want to eat re-heated pasta (again), so I got out to do some shopping, which took until about 3pm, at which point I started cooking. Then my flatmates came to the kitchen, then Sabine rang up because she was in the area and wanted to get out of the rain, and then, well, then it was suddenly 6pm, and we'd planned a theme party to celebrate my moving in, made fun of American stereotypes and actually ate lunch for dinner. After Sabine left, Marcus, Keki and me noticed we were wearing blue, black and red socks, respectively. So we did the Boobie dance. Who needs drugs when you have friends who are just as crazy as you are?

So basically, today was a success so far. But now I have to finish all those papers all through the night. Durrr.

Nocturnal Activity.

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 02:03:39 GMT

I finally know why nobody ever has their lights on in the apartment block across the courtyard, they don't get up until 3:30am, apparently.

Sleep is a necessity, not sleeping a conscious choice.

I read the entire archive of http://www.viruscomix.com/subnormality.html Much appreciated, Gabe.

Contemplating sweet irony of pulling yet another all-nighter in exchange for all those evenings I spent amusing myself instead of working on my language lab portfolio.

Also contemplating irony of compiling 32-page written portfolio for a practical language lab.

Listening to old German Hip-Hop. Got all nostalgic and remember when I heard the band for the first time 10 years ago in Italy.

Thought about it, was actually 14 years ago. Die fantastischen Vier is pretty damn old. As I was only 10 at the time, lets count the previous date and be done with it.

The portfolio has become an unreal requirement in a non-euclidean world that is rapidly slipping from my grasp. Trite as that may sound, I just had to erase half a page's worth of swearwords I cannot remember typing and the thermos is looking at me.

Looked at old house in Italy via Google Earth. Burned down in 2006 with 2 camp grounds and 600 acres of national forest. Fuck the goddamn Mafia.

Wondered why I was typing my stream of thought into a .txt file instead of working on the portfolio, scrapped idea of going to bed at all today, decided to just dump this into Livejournal to amuse myself when I read it once I got some sleep. 4 hours left until portfolio turn-in deadline.

Neighbors complaining about bass. Forgot to plug in headphones.

Random findings #1

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:42:50 GMT

I become horribly uncomfortable when I hear a music box playing. The old-style, metallic-chime things. I don't know why, but I have the feeling something bad is about to happen whenever I hear one of those.

Ruined a lot of animal-baby videos on YouTube for me, let me tell you.

Oh sweet merciful power of the universe...

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:25:46 GMT

Should anybody come across the results for EU-voting in Austria, however slim the chances that you do are, please remember that I DID NOT VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WON. I voted for the Socialist Party. Everybody else apparently either voted FPÖ, thinking they voted for HC-Strache (who isn't even running for the election) or voted for Hans Peter Martin who manages to be an EU-delegate whose sworn enemy is the EU.

Welcome to the most ridiculous Banana Republic of Europe.

Confound you, Al Gore!

Sun, 24 May 2009 15:51:12 GMT

Well, yesterday I spent an unfruitful hour trying to find out what sort of tree grows in front of my window here in Vienna using a botanical guidebook. (Exkursionsflora, its a certain kind of book and has the advantage of cramming every single plant that is, was and might be growing in Austria in 700 pages. The disadvantage is that is relies entirely on scientific description of the plant via text.)

Today I spent 4 minutes looking it up on the internet and now know that it is Paulownia tomentosa, aka an Empress tree.

And once again, the internet conquers all.

SST.

Sat, 16 May 2009 20:30:00 GMT

So apparently 38% of people between 18 and 24 would vote for far-right parties. Politicians say that this is because its easy for these parties to win with simple slogans and distorted facts. I say 38% of people between 18 and 24 are brainless morons who should be denied the right to reproduce as they would invariably only produce children prepared to make the same stupid mistakes as our ancestors.

In other news, the head of the Freedom party, ironically the most blatantly fascist, racist and anti-democratic party in Austria, in case you didn't know, called the sentences for several juvenile neo-nazis who attacked a group of French and Italian Holocaust survivors both verbally and physically, completely unwarranted. According to him, the guys, who were wearing fatigues, combat boots and carried softguns, were "playing" in the mine the survivors visited, and there was a "quarrel" which lead to "verbal mishaps". The "boys" should be "pulled by the ears" but not sent to prison. Oh, but he did want all the protesters who were at his anti-Islam rally imprisoned and called them left-wing Nazis.

Reality check: 5 skinheads shouted "Heil Hitler" and shot at a group of elderly holocaust survivors, who were visiting the mine where they were forced to work, with their softguns. Well. What can I say. I can't say anything, as I'm actually so angry both about what happened, and how he tries to justify it, that I can't think of anything but "sterilize stupid people", a nice slogan at this time. Something like that should not, under any circumstances, happen in a democratic society.

But hey, Mr. Strache was prosecuted for posing in camo gear, with a gun and what amounted to covert Nazi regalia, near a nazi war memorial, and nothing happened to him, so apparently democracy is defunct in that respect anyway. Which is no wonder when someone who is flat-out telling lies to people and pissing in the face of democracy while happily claiming all its benefits for himself can enchant a third of voters. It is simply mind-boggling how many people in this country apparently really only use their brains to store extra blood, and whose future plans stop after primetime. I forced myself to read (I can't bear hearing his voice, he sounds like a hoarse bulldog) his speech after his own party reelected him as Führ- sorry, head of party, with 97% of the vote (what a surprise.) Well, basically, he wants the EU out, wants to keep all money in Austrian hands, throw out all foreigners, wall off the entire country and play happy little third Reich.

This is one of the biggest downsides to free speech. Everyone is allowed to talk. And then young people, and by young people I mean both really stereotypical social troglodytes who look to be set for an early death by overdosing self-tanner, and relatively normal people, say that they vote for him because:
a) He looks so cool.
b) He explains things so easily.
c) He is not as arrogant and incomprehensible as other politicians.
d) He is so honest.

Good. Lord. I swear to god, so many people need to finally realize that most easy answers are both easy and wrong. Looking cool may be important in the 1000th derivative celebrity talk show massacre show, but not in politics, I'm sorry kids, but most politicians are more of a Bush than an Obama, when it comes to looks and style. Saying things easily in politics almost always mean being polemic, distorting facts, leaving out important things and telling lies. Politics is not, was not, and never will be easy, face that. Now. c) I can quite easily explain, he has no time to be arrogant or incomprehensible, since most of his mental capacity is occupied by stringing together his current two sentences, a mental feature he has in common with many of his voters. And as far as honest goes...somebody once said that people will believe a big lie sooner than a small one. Well, Hitler was apparently right, and he should have added "and they will readily feast on many many big lies, in quick succession, when you pull it off with enough slime and suave".

When, 64 years after the end of World War 2, people will again readily have their obnoxious little prejudices preyed upon by demagogues, I really begin to fear for this country. So many ugly and hateful small people with ugly and hateful small minds. Sometimes I just want to up and leave it all behind. But it's not like it's better elsewhere. People will always fall prey to tyrants, and they will always believe that even though tomorrow there wont be cake they are happy if they can be sure nobody else will have cake.

But its lies, lies, lies.

The flat chronicles, part deux.

Wed, 06 May 2009 20:20:06 GMT

Well, been here for two days and I broke the sink. The thing was clogged because housework seems to be anathema to my flatmates, and well, after cleaning out about a pound of half-rotten sludge (I am not joking, might have been 2 pounds, give or take an ounce) from the pipes, Markus said he'd just put it together again, and I left to help my Dad back at home.

Well...the pipes seem to follow non-euclidean geometry. We have all the parts. There is only one way to put them together. But they do not fit any more.

Craziness.

Hope we don't have to call a plumber, those freaks usually charge something around 25€ an hour...

Well, isn't this exciting. Are we excited? I am excited.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:19:31 GMT

I lost my membership in one of the most overrated clubs of all time, and have to say, I turned in my member card without regrets and without ceremony. As my entire circle of friends is apparently in an uproar about it, let the Intertubes know as well:

Yes, I got laid for the first time. Was it really that improbable?

Geez, my friends are gossip-starved.

The only pandemic is boredom.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:13:11 GMT

You know, I think the current pandemic panic is going to run out soon. It's simply lacking marketability. I mean, "The Black Death" now that had a name. "Ebola" sounds mystical. "S.A.R.S." everybody is afraid of acronyms! (Bonus fear for RE fans who read that as S.T.A.R.S. I did. My nerd label is gold plated and mounted on the wall)

But "Swine Flu"? No, not seeing it, even if it IS less ridiculous than "bird flu". Though it would be deliciously ironic if mankind was destroyed by an illness that normally affects pigs. Even "boar flu" would have been better, seeing how boar are fierce and noble predators of the Serengeti, and known to bring down prey as large as the wildebeest. Or something close to that.

In other news: I think LJ has my gender confused, it constantly suggests women-only channels for me.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 09:52:29 GMT

So its really annoying to work in the biology center's library archives. Why? They have some sort of weird delivery system running overhead that periodically ferries small red plastic boxes across the room at high speed, accompanied by rattling, clanging and general ruckus, only to dump them through a pressurized hatch in the copy room. Following the rail to the end of the archive, the boxes come from, and go back to, another pressurized aperture in the back wall which leads to a dark room.

So really, what IS in those boxes?